It’s Holly

On Friday Kelly and I went to La Vache, one of our favorite French restaurants (their butter is ridiculous). After much debate, I decide on the Gnocchi with Forest Mushrooms and Kelly opts for the seafood pizza. Both wonderful choices. Our cute gay waiter brings us our iced green tea, and we chow down on some calimari. Good times…

Then the gnocchi and seafood pizza come. For those of you that don’t know what gnocchi is, click on that link. Basically, it’s little dumplings of dough made from flour and potatoes. Good shit. I’m eating some of her pizza, she’s eating some of my little dumplings from heaven… and for some reason, mid-meal, I remembered this joke that I never told Kelly. The rest goes (something) like this:

Holly: Did I ever tell you my new favorite joke?

Kelly: No, what is it.

Holly: How do you make a cat bark?

Kelly: How?
::Kelly, thinking to herself (as she told me later on), “how stupid is this joke going to be?”, the she proceeds to pick up her glass of green iced tea::

Holly: You douse it in gasoline and throw a match on it… then ::with hand motion imitating explosion, Kelly takes a swig of iced tea:: it goes “Woof”.

::half chuckle… then silence::

This is when Kelly holds up her hand, the universal signal to tell me to stop laughing so she’ll stop laughing… and then she starts crying. I’m like, shit… the joke wasn’t that funny, was it? Then she starts sorta coughing… like when you’re coughing but trying to hold it in… but she’s not holding it in, she JUST CAN’T GET IT OUT. Holy shit… she’s choking…

Holly: Are you okay?!

::kelly nods::

Holly:Holy shit, your lips are blue. Are you choking?!?!

::kelly shakes her head side to side::

Holly: Are you sure you’re okay!? I don’t know that Heimlich shit.

::kelly nods::

That was the longest 3 minutes of Kelly trying to gasp for air. Finally… she can talk.

Kelly: That iced tea went down all kinds of wrong tubes.

Holly: Damn, your lips were blue. ::laughing::

Kelly: The iced tea and the dough was caught in my throat. I was between choking and throwin up. That dough (note: gnocchi) was coming back up.

Holly: The gnocchi came back up to say hi. They were wondering what all the noise was about.

Holly:::Holly, pretending to be gnocchi:: “HAAAY girl!! What was all that laughin’ about?We just down here, tryin’ to digest n’ shit, then you go laughing and choking? What the fuck you laughin’ at?!”

Kelly: Please, don’t make me laugh… my throat’s burning.

Then we finished our meal and went to Extraordinary Desserts.

So, I almost killed Kelly this weekend. But I didn’t, thank goodness, because who would go eat sushi with me? That would suck.

Thanks for surviving, Kels. Did I miss anything?