It’s Holly

I spent this weekend at the Black Business Expo in LA, with my compadres from Planet O2. And you know, it just wouldn’t be a Black Business Expo without Lawry’s showing up.

The booth right next to the O2 booth was selling flat irons. They used me as a hair model to show how it works, and I was convinced. I could go from completely wet hair to super straight in 30 minutes. Straightening my hair is usually a 2 hour event. So I bought one. I got home last night, washed my hair and started up the flat iron. Anytime I use any flat iron, I always have to turn it to the highest setting, so I did. This one is about 410 degrees. As usual, I parted my hair 4 ways and started from the back. I went through once with the flat iron, ran my fingers through my hair, and saw how straight it was…. in my hand. All of that hair, in my hand, and NO LONGER attached to my head.

Holy shit.

The flat iron was so hot, it actually MELTED and BURNED my hair off. Yes. Melted and burned. So now, I have a nice little chunk of hair gone. But it worked! I guess if 410 degrees is hot enough to fry chicken, it’s probably a little too hot to straighten my hair. So, I turned off the flat iron, let it cool down, and set it to the lowest setting possible, and all was well.

Came out good, huh? Other than my apartment never ridding of the smell of burnt hair, I’m super happy with the product. Big ups to Joseph, Alia and Alissa for hookin’ a sista up with the flat iron. But you lose cool points for not telling me about the melting hair part. But still, good lookin’ out. Big ups to Jason and Tim for visiting. And big ups to Donnie for the chicken wing and the $2 can of Sierra Mist!

I don’t know why I never posted this before. I had this picture taken last year sometime by a woman in Ramona. Here’s the color breakdown, according to the lady that took the photo:

It was explained to me that the white around my head preresents my spirit guides/angels.

Right Side (Expression) – Green
The color on the right side is traditionally the energy being expressed. The vibrational frequency most likely seen or felt by others around you. Many times your friends will think this is the energy that you are made of, however, it is what you are putting out to the world.

Green: You are expressing healing energy. The world sees you as someone with high self esteem, who is goal oriented, hard working and dedicated to achieve chosen goals. You are willing to persevere to attain wealth in terms of educational, monetary, culture, or physical achievements. You are also generous towards others and have a great deal of patience. You may be a wonderful teacher, health care worker, healer or parent.

Center (Experience) – Yellow
The color seen over your head is what you experience for yourself now. It’s the color that would best describe you. If the color is high it could mean aspirations or what you wish to be.

Yellow: Joy and happiness surround you now. Your excitement is contagious. Life is your playground. You make everything fun. Even the most tedious of household tasks become a game when you do them because you infuse everything with a sense of playfulness. At heart, you are a happy, laughing child. You also have a bright and curious intellect hungry for new and exciting ideas.

Left Side (Future) – Aquamarine
The color on the left side is normally the vibration coming in to your being. The closer it is to you the sooner it will be felt within a few moments, hours or as long as a few months.

Aquamarine: A time of peace and healing is ahead for you. Prepare to relax and contemplate the clouds for a period of time. Your vacation has been long past due. You need some time now to recharge your batteries. Blue is the color of tranquility and green is the color of healing. It’s probably a time to kick off your shoes and replenish your energy.

Throat (Communication) – Lavender
The color expressed on the throat is traditionally the energy being expressed. The vibrational frequency most likely seen or felt by others around you. Many times your friends will think this is the energy you are made of, however, it is what you are putting out into the world.

Lavender: You radiate a mysterious and magical inner peace. People are magnetically drawn to your mysteriously ethereal and deeply serene personality. They know there’s something wonderfully different about you.. You naturally express your spirituality and powerful healing abilities. You trust your inner knowing and follow your intuition. Guided by your sixth sense rather than by logic, you have an ability to negotiate obstacles and problems as if by sheer magic.

Heart (Empathy) – Light Blue
The color on the heart is normally the vibration coming into your being. The closer it is to you the sooner it will be felt.

Light Blue heart: You are a deeply spiritual and peaceful person desiring harmony and quiet. You need time to be alone in order to rest, meditate or simply daydream. This is a time when you wish to recoup and gather your energies. Your whole being is hungry for a vacation, relaxation or deep meditation. Inner peace is your goal at this point in time. You expend a great deal of energy healing and inspiring others which can be draining and depleting. Quiet time spent alone nurturing yourself is essential to your well being and ability to continue healing others.

Solar Plexus – Aquamarine
The color on your solar plexus is normally the center vibration of your being. The solar plexus is associated with power, money, and called the “money pot” by Hindus. This is the center of self esteem and ego.

Aquamarine solar plexus: From the center of your soul you feel a time of peace and healing is at hand. You may be experiencing spiritual fulfillment and a mysterious “oneness” or “connection” with all other living beings. You may feel a calm satisfaction with life.

That’s my aura – it’s like… whoa!

Got to Give It Up Part I by the wonderfulness-ness that is Mr. Marvin Gaye.

No matter what kinda f’ed up mood I’m in, or if I’m already in a good mood, this song just makes it even better. That beat, those drums… that voice. It takes me to a happy place. The same happy place that the Kitchen Sink roll from Sushi on the Rock takes me too. That’s a mighty happy place.

On another note, I was watching VH1 Soul, as I do every morning, and Eric Benet’s new song came on – I Wanna Be Loved. I love the melody, it’s beautiful. But ain’t this the same nigga that cheated on Halle Berry? If that don’t get him a trip straight to Hades, I don’t know what will. But it just feels so wrong hearing him sing about wanting to be loved, when he was loved by one of the most beautiful women in the world. Nigga please… write another beautiful song, just let John Legend or Brian McKnight or Joe sing it next time. Comin’ from him, it just seems *wrong.

What’s your happy place song?

As all my loyal readers know, I absolutely love John Legend. Every time I put my iPod on shuffle and Ordinary People comes on, I feel my face light up and a smile comes across my face. I love that song. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, first, slap yourself, then click here and download it from iTunes, you silly bastid.

I was talking to Jonathan the other day about how every time I listen to Ordinary People it makes me wish I was in love and alla that. Take these lyrics, for example…

“I know I misbehaved, and you made your mistakes, and we both still got room left to grow. And though love sometimes hurts I still put you first and we’ll make this thing work but I think we should take it slow”

Beautiful shit, right? It’s like sayin… “I know this shit is hard, but you know what? Being with you makes it ALL worth it! I love you baby!”

Then I listen to “She Don’t Have To Know” and realize why the FUCK I’m not in love. Case and point:

Stealing moments just to be with you. Though its wrong its hard to tell the truth but she don’t have to know… she don’t have to know. I go to the other side of town so I will never risk the chance of catching her eye ’cause she don’t have to know… she don’t have to know

You LYING CHEATING GOOD FOR NOTHING BASTARDS!! All of you! Am I bitter? Fuck yes! Can you blame me? Fuck no!

Okay, I know this is the most vanilla layout ever, but I’ve finally made the transition from GreyMatter to WordPress, so please forgive me while I try to think of a new layout and how to incorporate it into the fancy CSS that WordPress uses.

Tina loves her some bacon. But who doesn’t like bacon. It’s one of my favorite smoked meats. Tina’s love for bacon, however, overshadows everyone elses. No one can love a slab of smoked pig the way she can. Ladies and gentlemen, I present parts I and II of The Bacon Chronicles – a carefully documented love of bacon.

The Bacon Chronicles, Part I – I Get So Weak…

Holly: i made THE BEST BLT yesterday… i got that onion rye dill bread.

Tina: oh I want one

Holly: that bread man… whew… it *makes the sandwich

Tina: you talk about bacon and my knees get weak

Holly: LMAO

Holly: but now the roof of my mouth is tore the fuck up

Tina: LMAO

Tina: I’m gonna make a BLT today

Tina: dang, I love me some bacon

——-

The Bacon Chronicles, Part II – I Deserve Bacon.

Tina: I think I’ll make tuna sandwiches for dinner

Holly: with bacon, avocado and fresh mozzerella on onion rye bread?

Tina: but I have to stop by albertons after the gym for bacon…yea and avocado

Holly: are you listening to yourself right now?! LMAOOO

Holly: I have to stop by ALBERTSONS after the GYM for BACON

Holly: that’s going in the text file

Tina: I run for 1 mile on the treadmill, I deserve bacon.

——-

Stay tuned. As Tina’s love for bacon grows, so do the chronicles.

Read this first, if you don’t know who Mr. Undewear Model is.

We got him fired. We’re convinced.

We usually use our powers for good, not evil… but this was a special case. Kelly and I got Mr. Underwear Model fired – we’re convinced. Manager Brandon came up to us during our weekly outing at Sushi on the Rock and said the following:

Manager Brandon: So, you know that person you don’t like? He’s no longer with us.

Holly & Kelly: Shut the fuck up!!! What happened?!?!?

Manager Brandon: I can’t go into detail.

Kelly: It’s because he was flirting with all those blonde bitches, wasn’t it?! Hitting on customers?

Manager Brandon: That was part of the problem…

::Holly has a temporary lapse in judgement and makes Kelly high-five her across the table::

Kelly: Did you just make me high-five you?

Holly: Sorry, got caught up in the moment.

So, ladies and gentlemen… if you ever need something done to someone indirectly through mental powers, ask me and Kelly. It might take a few weeks, but we’ll git ‘er done!

In my mad dash to the grocery store to get Pepperidge Farm Double Chunk Dark Chocolate cookies (the commercial came on – I have no will power), I locked myself out of my apartment. I make it a habit to lock the bottom lock before I walk out. Usually, while practicing this habit, I’m smart enough to have my keys in my hand. This time, I didn’t. As soon as I shut the door I said “awwww, shit!!!”

So, I call the closest relative – Josephine. Josephine and Matt to the rescue!!! I talk her into coming to my apartment. In the mean time, I break out my Barnes and Nobel card and try to break I’m just hoping that no one walks by and thinks I’m breaking into someone elses apartment. After about 10 minutes of finageling, I broke through.

As soon as I get back in, the phone rings. It’s Josephine, and I scream “I broke in!! I broke back in!!” She told me to change my lock. I say it’s aight… as long as I lock the top, which I do.

So, I can officially be charged with breaking and entering – into my own apartment, but that’s besides the point. I could be a crook, bitches!! Bring on the crookery! All you need is a Barnes & Nobel card!

I went to Wings n’ Thangs for lunch with my co-workers. I ordered the 5 strip chicken meal with hot sauce AND barbecue sauce, as recommended by Sam. I handed the lady my check card to charge my meal and she looks up at me and says “You don’t look like no Holly…” So I asked her what I “looked” like, and this bitch said “You look like a Diane.”

:confused:

First of all, who the fuck EVER looks like a Diane? The only people that look like Diane’s are existing Dianes – old white ladies that have had that name all their life. That’s who. So I told her that I could have been an Earlene or Earla, and we concurred that Holly was the better of the options.

Diane my ass…

Which brings me to the question… if you could have picked out your own name, what would you pick? I’ll have to think about this one and get back to you in the comments