Archive of articles classified as' "I Hate That Guy!"

Back home

fail. hard.

24/10/2008


bitch, fail.

PITTSBURGH — A 20-year-old volunteer for John McCain’s campaign has admitted that she lied when she said she was attacked by a robber who carved a “B” into her cheek when he saw a McCain bumper sticker on her car, Pittsburgh police said Friday.

Keep reading…

1 Comment

things holly hates #527

17/09/2008

i hate it when people stand in the freezer section of the grocery store with the freezer door wide open looking at all of their options. the door is made of glass so you can see through it, not so you can hold it open, complain about it being cold (true story), then subsequently fog up all the other glass doors when someone (mainly me) is trying to pick out her 5 for $10 lean cuisines.

stop it, please.

3 Comments

all that i can say…

22/11/2007

… is what some of my favorite songs already say so well:

i was burned, but i’ll call it a lesson learned. – alicia
i’m bruised, but not broken. – joss
what goes around comes all the way back around. – justin
we fall down, but we get up. – donnie
i hate you so much right now. – kelis

There’s a silver lining for every cloud… every dark, niggerish cloud.

1 Comment

That Guy #1: Rap Guy & Co.

8/10/2007

Introduction:
You know that guy? I hate that guy. You hate that guy. WE ALL HATE THAT GUY. Inspiration for “That Guy” comes from always talking about That Guy with friends, the Mr. Man / Little Miss series, and a dream that Tater had about me writing children’s books. Well, they’re not quite children’s books, tater, but here’s the first (of hopefully many) installations of That Guy: Rap Guy.


rapguy

Rap Guy:
Rap Guy has been trying to make it big for a while. He holds down at least 3 part time jobs, including, but not limited to the following: tattoo artist, customer service representative, bus boy, retail specialist, burger flipper. Rap Guy definitely has at least one child, whom he includes in the “sentimental” rap on his mixtape, which also means he has at least one baby’s mama, whom he includes in the “fuck that bitch” rap on his mixtape. Rap Guy has a decent skill level as far as writing and rapping, especially when he strikes gold with Rap Guy’s Beatmaker. Rap Guy is not complete without Rap Guy’s Entourage, including Rap Guy’s Manager and Rap Guy’s Hypeman/Hypemen. Rap Guy usually has all the latest gear, thanks to Rap Guy’s Girlfiend and Rap Guy’s Jumpoff.

Rap Guy’s Manager:
Rap Guy’s Manager manages a few local rappers, and one in New York for street cred. Rap Guy’s Manager manages at least one relative, usually a cousin. He hustles – real hard. Rap Guy’s Manager also falls under the category “Entrepreneur Guy”.

Rap Guy’s Beatmaker:
Rap Guy’s Beatmaker is usually Rap Guy’s cousin. He finally made enough drop-offs to get himself a Power Mac, where he uses GarageBand and FruityLoops to 1/3 of their potential. He likes to sample Dre beats a lot, but stays relevant by doing knock-off versions of “Crank Dat” and sampling Akon hooks.

Rap Guy’s Hypeman:
Rap Guy’s Hypeman stands on stage next to Rap Guy and shouts “yo yo yo” into the mic, while Rap Guy’s Manager watches from backstage. Some of Rap Guy’s Hypeman’s favorite phrases include, but are not limited to: “lift yo mothafuckin’ hands up in the air”, “uh… yeah… uh, uh, uh”, “hollaaaa”, and “ya heard”. Rap Guy’s Hypeman has absolutely no MC skills.

Rap Guy’s Girlfriend / Rap Guy’s Jumpoff:
Rap Guy’s Girlfriend and Rap Guy’s Jumpoff are present at all local shows. Rap Guy’s Girlfriend usually drives Rap Guy to his shows (because Rap Guy doesn’t have a reliable source of transportation), and always buys him a fresh ‘fit. Rap Guy’s Girlfriend is not necessarily Rap Guy’s Baby’s Mama. Rap Guy’s Jumpoff is usually situated near Rap Guy’s Girlfriend at shows – and they definitely recognize each other for what they are. Rap Guy’s Jumpoff doesn’t buy the ‘fits, but she may purchase shoes, chains or fitted caps. Rap Guy’s Jumpoff may have been Rap Guy’s Manager’s Girlfriend previously, but will never do Rap Guy’s Hypeman. That’s beneath her.


Feel free to leave other Rap Guy & Co attributes in the comments.

3 Comments